he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
I don't appreciate the fact that you tagged me as a giant bucket Miracle Whip.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
I worked all year for this tax return. I deserve to get my nipples pierced.
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
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