well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
As much as I'm all for laying on his living room couch, watching spongebob and having spoon sex, it's becoming a routine.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
Update: we are pushing the start of day drinking back from 9 am to 10 am. Minor delay.
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
He's only giving you free adderall so you can focus on his dick.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
i feel like the girl with kaleidoscope eyes except the kaleidoscopes are sparkly butt plugs
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