He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
you made a powerpoint titled 'things i've drank tonight' and emailed it to me.
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
he stopped talking to me, quit his job, moved out of the province and then told me it was "no big" when I called him apologizing...
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Stop calling him just to say, "my vagina misses you."
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
Are you trying to say I've made an emotionally well rounded transformation similar to the Grinch?
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
Convinced if I was being murdered in my house no one would come and save me. If no one heard my 10000000 orgasms last night, there is no hope.
Randomize
