She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
I'm drinking in the hospital parking lot.
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I feel badly that he has cancer, but this does not mean I am obligated to have sex with him. Again.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Of course he did! You’ve seen my tits, you know he didn’t stand a chance!
Randomize
