I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
This cookie i'm eating tastes like pizza. It was so worth contacting my sister for pot.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Vibrator fell off the top of the dresser and hit me. This might be the most embarrassing black eye incident ever
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
You said "I feel like a koala bear. Do you ever just feel like a koala bear?" This is your brain on drugs.
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
Randomize
