Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
Is it because I queefed?
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
Just whatever you do, don't neglect the balls.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize