Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
I wish there were college classes that were useful to your daily life, like how to pack a proper bowl in pitch black darkness.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
well, duh, but it's like you don't even want to see me masturbate with a wine bottle.
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Well there's a microwave in my yard now too. I fucking Bruce/Caitlyn Jennered decathloned that bitch.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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