Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She came to college a virgin and left on court order. We ruined her.
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I wonder what blackout Alex would think of her?
probably "functioning vagina, must touch"
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
lesson learned. Never drop acid before a trip to the aquarium. Sounds awesome, is actually terrifying.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Randomize
