I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
Just saw him riding in a basket on the front of a bike trying to feed the other guy beer. He screamed 'PARTY BIKE BITCHES!' at me as they rode past.
I lied. He's hitting on a drag queen now. Should I rescue him or take pictures?
He just gave himself a boner while driving using "the power of his mind"
Apparently I covered myself in sunscreen before I went to bed. Im just assuming that due to the fact I found an empty bottle of sunblock
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I recently had a rabies scare because I thought putting socks on my hands to pick up a squirrel that got in my house was a good idea.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
Let me rub your butt and eat French fries from your mouth and dip them in your ketchup filled belly button.
I do remember that in my dream I wasn't impressed with his dick.
My ass is in a myriad of pain right now
Lesson learned - Taco Bell before a long night of BDSM is a BAD idea
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
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