I didn't shave. On purpose
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
so I think I'm done having sex with her, she's way too crazy
what about the blowjobs for adderall?
no those are still okay
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.
I think I offered a man a blowjob for his power ranger suite last night...
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
I have peed in a lot of sinks
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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