i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
You only like me because I'm a challenge
You already blew me
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
The same guy who pierced my nipples just told me he can help tutor me in precalc.
Also I'm very proud of th fact that I walked my dog before bed. Drunk dog walking should be an Olympic sport; it takes SKILLS.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
I'm drunk at 3:28
I'm jealous as shit at 3:34
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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