you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
why is there an outline of nathan's body on my wall in whip cream?
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
How do you say "I'm sorry I beat you up while cumming" in German?
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
Randomize
