Yo dont text me then not text me
im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
JAMES WASHOMGTON STATE ATTACKED US
WE'RE FYCKED UL HARDCORW
THE REISLING ATRACEX US
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
How on earth did you break your wrist?
I went into someone's yard so I could pee and I found a tireswing
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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