Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Fact: Telling a guy he has erectile dysfunction doesn't solve the problem.
I had to rush to my room and get my vibrator off my bed i didn't want him to know how long it's been since I had a decent fuck.
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
Between my vag yelling at me for having bad sex and my legs yelling at me for going to the gym I cant hear myself think.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I just tried to make cleaning gasoline off your shoes with toilet paper in the Chemistry Building bathroom look normal. I failed.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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