i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
You better have your party panties on Saturday!
Why only Saturday?
Well I have an AA meeting Sat morning so I'm going to try to take it easy Fri.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
i finally found my car by the hideout. it was parked in an employee only parking space with a torn up piece of paper in the back window with the word employee scribbled on it.
Tim said I dropped my taco in a puddle and still ate it.
Guys, right now i need a picture of a squirrel, preferably with one of you guys but not necessary.
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
I'm serious-it was like trying to deep-throat a minivan.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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