I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i fell off the bed in the middle of it, and he yelled "5 second rule" and kept fucking me. i think im in love
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
The gas station was closed so we found old PBR and played Edward Nalgene Hands instead
He smells like cinnamon, and what I imagine to be orgasms
I threw up in the shower. I cleaned it all up and there is on mess at all. This hangover has become borderline religous. Powerful and life changing.
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
Randomize
