thank god he doesn't hang out with everyone else i've had sex with
well, yeah, he can't fit the whole neighborhood in his apartment
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
just watched her puke in her purse and put it back on the bar. then half hour later put her hand in her bag to get a pen to give me her number. I bet she is game for anything
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
We're not on Beacon Street anymore so now your argument about not peeing on the sidewalk holds no water. Whereas my bladder has holded every water.
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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