There's something fitting about a hot in-car interracial makeout to the tune of 'healing the world.' RIP Mike.
In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
In case you were wondering, my scare crow is wearing your outfit from last night.
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Just ran into her dad at the strip club. He bought me a dance. I think i found a winner.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
How early is too early to study with margaritas?
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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