I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
walking on campus just saw the exact moment some kids life got ruined
he's on the phone and just starts going "FUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCKKKKK", then follows it with "Are you sure your pregnant?"... made my day
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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