Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
She posts like 3 statuses a day pleading for pity. Responding positively would be like giving a dog a treat for shitting on the floor.
you don't seem to understand just how much pasta i spilled on my bed last night.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
They are gonna stay together and get married and have 2 children before he wakes up and realizes that there is more to life than anal
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i told you i was taking the Metra Train, and you asked what type of drug that was.. so yes i believe you when you say you were fucked up
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