So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
he was chasing shots of soco with fistfuls of my birthday cake
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
i've eaten like 19 popsicles... what the fuck have you done today?
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
His grandpa picked him up. Brought him to the house. And made him clean the puke off the driveway with a broom and a bucket of water.
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
Are you going to regret this?
No I do t think so
Ok then he can enter the holy dorm temple.
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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