and i looked up. we had an audience...
he just ordered a side of pineapple and winked at me. too much for a first date. come get me.
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
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