Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
yea pretty sure we followed the trail of your spaghetti-o vomit to find the car
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
the towel caught on fire outside the hottub but we were all too stoned to care
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
Mom looked at me, frowned, and said "it makes me sad to see you drink before noon.." So i told her if she doesn't like it she needs to stop waking me up before noon.
WELL I DIDNT KNOW IT WAS POSSIBLE TO COME SO HARD YOU HAVE AN ASTHMA ATTACK BUT HERE I AM
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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