Someone's got a whale tail
A thong is hangin out?
No, a fatty following them
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I just heard an old guy ask the chick he was with if she wanted to try ass to mouth...
thanks for that.
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
so the last visual we have of him for the next 87 weeks is him outside on the ground rolling around yelling I HATE BLOWJOBS
I sat in the bathroom on the counter and gave out advice to all the random people that walked in
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I'm upset for all the future generations who can't drunkenly get cheesy bread
so the casino kicked my ass last night, i'm pretty sure i hit a new level of hungover....just showered with my sunglasses on because the bathroom light is too bright
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
Randomize
