he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
yes, we have a friends with benefits thing. i found out he had never 69'd, done anal or had a threesome. i told him i was going to rock his world.
and what did he say?
there were no words. he looked like a kid on christmas morning.
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Totally sleeping on a bloodstained mattress tonight. I love life's little adventures.
When I take mushrooms I can feel your presence down there. I can feel where Africa is too.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I biked home blackout drunk last night, but I have some memory of throwing my bike in a rage when I couldnt get it down the stairs. No idea on the bright orange puke in the sink.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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