I want to get so wasted that I make middle aged irish men look like mormon girls
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
I'd really appreciate it if we could dress up as pilgrims and indians for the thanksgiving eve bar crawl
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
I standby a snuggie being perfectly acceptable attire for drunkenly walking your dog at 5am. Our new neighbors did not seem to agree.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Whenever someone tells me they've never met a bisexual, I feel like a majestic fucking unicorn.
I just found a To Do list on the table, written by me last night, that just says "1. Go downstairs. 2. Get Pickles. 3. Laptop"
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
i woke up in a bed of pop tarts
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Randomize
