Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
you told the bartender not to open the bottle because you were gonna put it in your purse in case you get cut off later
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I just realized that with the new snapchat update / emoji sticker thing I can now use easily use emojis to cover my boobs in nudes.
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
Randomize
