doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
instead of telling him i dont hook up with closet frat guys, i gave him his "straight' fraternity brothers number... pike house will be interesting tonight
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
My professor complimented me on the well drawn penis on my face then asked if I would like a seat closer to the garbage can.
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
Long story short I'm making an I'm sorry card for a girl I dont remember having sex with
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
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