I guess so. I don't really give a fuck. I think I'm going to jerk off really loudly tonight just to keep them on their toes
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Do you think my bosses would frown upon Jameson with breakfast on this holiest of days?
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I'm sure it was awkward. I've never had a professor expose parts of them to me before.
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
Waking up next to a guy you don't remember going home with and the first thing you say is: where is my tiara? = successful birthday
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
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