You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
I wasn't expecting a boner of this magnitude
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Please take a moment of silence for the fact that I still have all 10 fingers
Just to circumvent as much mood-killing as possible, you are allowed a small amount of laughter at my pubic hair. Too much and I revoke your vagina privileges until you can get your shit together.
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
Idk maybe I'll talk to him once he gets out of jail just to yell at him and get my strawberry ice cream back.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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