I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
hey dude come in here and see how much of my beard i can put in my mouth!
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
I left my coke in the bird nest in the bathroom stall last night but I found it nest and all in my purse I love morning suprises
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
He's like a Lana del Rey song that took human form
the next thing I knew, I was on the floor of a Tim Hortons bathroom in Canada.
It feels appropriate that the wallet of my high school and college years would die at the hands of a spilled bong. Which in and of itself is a solid metaphor for those years.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
I woke up completely naked in a mint condition 71 chevelle in someones garage. What.
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
He just looks like he'd be good in bed. He looks like he has a lot of anger built up in him and all I'm saying is that if he took out on my vagina I'm cool with that
Randomize
