are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
You kept tellin the cashier that this order was "To Go" over and over...even tho we were in the drive-thru
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
i saw the poster for your lost tequila... what a shame
That bitch ruined vodka saturday
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
I think I've forgotten how to blink. Help plz?
What, I can't laugh at my sister being driven crazy by Facebook randomly assigning chat significance to the guy she lost her virginity to?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
APPARENTLY I MISSED SOMEONE SWALLOWING A WHOLE BAG OF METH WHILE I WAS ON BREAK.
Randomize
