it doesn't get any better than taco bell and soft core porn
he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works
I fell asleep with my vibrator still in me. I am the Queen of Sad Masturbation.
decision: in honor of being in new orleans this weekend all my drunk texts will be en francais
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
After Madison dropped a bottle of full vodka an it shattered on the floor, it was quiet for literally 3 min straight and then drew said "the booze gods have spoken"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Did I really make a PSA to that garage party that you wanted to bang him?
You gave a whole fucking speech. It was inspiring.
You rinsed the beer pong ball off in my White Russian
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
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