Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
All I know is I want him to tie me up at least twice a week and I have an overwhelming urge to cook for him. Could this be love? I'm so confused....
Just found out that his ringtone for me is a train blowing bc and I quote 'I know when you call I'm getting laid'
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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