that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
Almost there.
define "almost". like I have enough time to watch a youtube video or oh shit, put on some goddamn pants because they're in the driveway.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
We have started to decorate penises.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
Having boobs is probably the greatest thing in the world, free booze all around
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Randomize