his dad told me thanks for making his little boy a man at breakfast this morning
You have more facebook pictures than most towns have people.
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
if you had such a terrible roommate you would understand. jacking off in his conditioner is just the start.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
SURVIVAL MODE. WE CAN DO THIS. Celebratory survived-working-christmas-retail sex to follow
Well she started to strip and when she slung her hair at me, she painted my face with sweat. A LOT OF SWEAT. It was a weird boner.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
I was puking for like ten minutes when I realized my parents were fucking in the shower and were afraid to come out
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