she's about as cool as a sandpaper handjob.
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
so basically i'm the" little sister", he's the "big brother" and we just fucked
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
just googled chastity belt to see if it really exist..
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
Dude. If I met a dinosaur right now. we'd totally be on the same page. Brainwaves and shit.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
How bad is it I'm looking at his cock while waiting to see my therapist?
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I was on top for a full on make out when in dead silence "I'm moaning Myrtle" came from the TV. Moment ruined. I got cock blocked by a fictional ghost
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
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