so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
He kept his baseball cap on when he went down on me...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I asked her if she could eat some Doritos so when we made out it would taste awesome
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
if he ever tells me he loves me when we are sober, i am a goner. just fyi.
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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