This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
why does he always try to puke into shot glasses
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
i spent most of last night convincing myself that dan akroyd wasn't actually standing in my bathroom holding a dead chicken
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
