So my earrings and necklace kept jingling and hitting him in the face, and he told me felt like he was fucking a Christmas tree
So the dentist told me I couldn't suck on anything. She emphasized ANYthing.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
He told me he loved me and then asked if we could have sex in the snow
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
I had to watch them play Salty Cracker. I have never seen a grown man cry with a boner before
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
There is a cooked ham in the washing machine.
Your ex spoke highly of your penis and it’s skill. I’m interested in learning more about it ;-)
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