dude i dnt kno how, but i think theres a tampon in my butt
My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
So you know that marine I slept with, well his girlfriend just told me I was pretty, I almost feel bad for sleeping with him now...
Dont! You were just serving you country
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
I just saved him in my contacts as "Has 2 kids.. don't drunk text"
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
It's great having no responsibilities. In normal life I would be freaking the fuck out right about now. But the only worry I have from last night is where i got this shower caddy full of cookies. God I love college.
You really realize what your life's become when you're sitting alone in the house crying in a santa hat and pjs getting stoned on christmas eve before noon.
This is why I need to move out...so my naked vomit covered walk of shames to the bathroom are only witnessed by one other person who is equally as pathetic as me and the cat
We're only going to be this young and this cute but for so long. And how often is it that a pack of Albanian law students is in your house?!
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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