Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
just survived the first fart of the relationship.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Watching intervention at a bar. Who let this happen??
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
I couldn't help thinking that my sock monkey was judging me
Welcome to drink and talk like a Russian afternoon.
Pirate drinking day will be planned for shortly
I approve this so hard.
I'm sure the lady doing my pedicure could smell the sex on me.
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
Ha. Yeah that's all I found you with this morning. Butt ass naked w my robe across your lap and your arms thrown back in handcuff position.
Randomize
