so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
Did you know that when you swallow it's like 60 calories!?
That's okay, it's all protein anyway.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
I'm over this relationship. I'm just going to get drunk all day, wake up in a puddle of my own vomit again, and go on with my life
They don't allow McDonald's in the ER. Go figure
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
He better not be in your backpack
Also 70% sure I have a splinter on my eyelid from last night
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
