Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I would make tea from her tampons just to see her tits
My cat gives me a boner
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
You taught me that having a dip while u shit is awesome. I appreciate u for that
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
I feel like I've been drunk all of June. And I am in NO WAY ashamed about it.
I think you'll appreciae more than anyone that I'm renting my parking spot out for a half gallon of vodka a month.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
We can't go back there. Ever. No context required, just know it's true.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
Randomize
