Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
Grown men dancing to Spice Girls and a girl wearing one shoe. I belong here
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
Well... first you killed the girls goldfish, then you shoved her face in your armpit, made her cry, got kicked out, ate your cigarettes, and passed out in her driveway. Pretty successful night if you ask me
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
He told me he was married and then fingered me on the kitchen counter. It was awkward to explaining the broken toaster to my roommates this morning...
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
He gave me an ambien and I woke up with a raw chicken bone in my purse. I have no idea why but I hope I put it in his butt
had to remind myself that killing him is not a good career move AGAIN.
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