Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
Wow.. I was doing a mental check of my bank balance & I literally just said to myself: 'I have 27 dollars and a bottle of tequila til tuesday-ill be fine'
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
I know you just got dumped by your gf but believe there is still good in the world. I just smoked a joint and took a fucking unbelievable poop. Give me a call tomorrow.
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
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