You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you really should stop posting my phone number on craigslist as tranny seeking tranny, last night i answered at family dinner and almost choked on my hot dog
do you not see the irony in that??
he only lasted 2 minutes. he said it was because i was so pretty. i'm not sure what to feel right now.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
Who is this?
You offered to lift up your dress at the bar so I could see your lower back tattoo
Um, I think that was a general offer to everyone. So...who IS this?
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
I miss my bedroom and my bed and being able to spray myself with my choice of 15 different perfumes so I don't have to wake up to the smell of my past sins
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
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