Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
Goose bottles do NOT make good bowling pins
Or I die of a heart attack, which is the more likely/less fun scenario.
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
Rob and I are cross faded and the only one taking care of us is a drunk person who's making us dance.
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
Randomize
