I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
It was a two-sided wall so part of my body ended up in someone elses condo.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
He was dressed as a cowboy and he was dancing with my ex roommate. So I took his gun and pistol whipped him with it..then somehow we still slept together..
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
Btw his name is Woody. I must be really drunk to think this is a good situation
I have a story for you. It involves waffles and getting naked with the local weatherman.
yeah, i'm probably gonna die. still gonna be totally worth it tho
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
Randomize
