i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I cant remeber how long i've been laying here...it could be 10 minutes to a fucking day
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
His concept of male bonding is doing lines in adjacent stalls.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just remembered when I bought that round of shots I told the girls to "get their whore friend" who was making out with her bf instead of drinking. I don't know why they stayed.
Im sitting in church with a backpack full of beer bottles. This is friendship.
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
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