Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
he just voluntarily told me he was uncircumsized.. and that his favorite color was blue.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
He told me he doesn't want to fuck anymore because he needs to focus on school. Either he grew a vagina or he's secretly gay, it has to be one of the two.
You're the only one to love me enough for me to admit the following: Rock-bottom sounds like sobbing to a Miley Cyrus song.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
We are gonna have a bake sale and the preceded will go towards the abortion
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
All I'm saying is Europe has not been easy on my vagina.
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
Randomize
