Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
I gotta bail on the cookout tonight. Im at the er getting stitches. Re-enacting porno went horribly wrong.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
My dad is sitting where you rode me
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