What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
i would think by now you'd realize that my penis does whatever the fuck it wants and i have no control over the situation
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
When I woke up everyone at the party was in their underwear. Only you guys were playing strip pong.
Yes, we all have the power to convince a large amount of people to take their clothes off
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
Randomize
