I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
Using Dr. Seuss quotes to ask me how badly I want your penis is not appropriate.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
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