I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
this just has baby written all over it
Nothin says happy bday jesus like a shot with your loved ones.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
I just ate apple sauce in my underwear. This isn't 30. This is 3.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
i woke up wearing a life jacket, holding on to a footlong hotdog, and had on a mr. hustle 1995 shirt on
good night
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
Randomize
