I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
i may not always bang 16 year olds but when i do, i prefer hot ones
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
My vagina has become a graveyard for my brother's friendships...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
Is it sad that i just saw my moms thumb on the table & i instinctively put mine down cuz i thought she was thumbmaster?
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
I have a bottle of rum in my pocket...what does that say about me...
You come prepared
Already doing pt exercises by picking my margarita up off the night stand. Fuck yeah.
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
Randomize