lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
Said he made a playlist for taking a shit. only two songs on it are the Star Wars theme and "America, fuck yeah" set to repeat.
Oh my god. I'm sorry if i peed on you last nite. I am truly disgusting
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
I totally have a huge crush on him though which is fucking up my "classy she-demon with limited feelings" vibe
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
Randomize
