Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
we've been together for three years, and i still get excited when i know i'm going to give him a blow job. it's that kind of love
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
