she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I fucking love fucking science majors-- she told me that she wanted to know if her gag reflex got better or worse with alcohol, and that her initial evidence had been inconclusive. So, next few weeks, yeah, gettin blown periodically. All I have to do is keep a log.
Hey, don't feel sorry for me, the two girls in front of me just ordered 18 dollars worth of taco bell. Life could be worse.
who loves string cheese????? I LOVE STRING CHEESE!!!
you know...if you didn't give such great head little things like this would ruin our friends with benefits relationship.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
I have come to realize that my purpose in life is less musical and more as a filter of alcohol into water.
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
I was trying to climb into what I thought was a bunk bed.. Turns out it was just a cabinet under the sink in a bathroom
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
