I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
just woke up under a car ? That's odd
Holy fucking shit
WAIT BUT IM WEARING A BACKPACK THAT MAGICALLY HAS 30 BEERS IN IT
Hell hath no fury like a woman whose gay sidekick you insult
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Why exactly is there a butt plug on the counter?
Did you wake up next to Karina?
So that's her name
Randomize