The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
apparently red wine has the total opposite effect that whiskey does on his dick
ps... at the end of one of the videos you yell "let's do the eiffel tower again.. i'll be in the middle!" .. i almost died lolol
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
I just finished spraying the foam party off my pumps with a garden hose
THEY AREN'T MARRIED. PUT ON YOUR HOMEWRECKING PANTIES AND GET TO WORK. NO EXCUSES.
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
premonition: im going to wake up covered in mashed potatoes
Pretty sure one of my drivers stopped to get laid while he was delivering a pizza. Is it appropriate to give him a write-up AND a high-five?
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
