It's 8:30am and I'm drinking.... this is a new low
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Saw a girl outside my apartment shotgun a bud light, then a red bull, get in her Tahoe, and drive 4 people away. Gotta love thirsty Thursday.
We smoked weed. AS A FAMILY. IT WAS BEAUTIFUL.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
Just try and act like you're sober
I can't I snorted an anti depressant and he's pouring me tequila shots
Randomize
