dude, best porn name ever, "the Hunt for Red Cocktober"
I didn't know people actually cried after sex.
she just announced that once she was paid to deep throat a light saber with a mint flavored condom on it. i'm speechless.
i woke up this morning next to my toilet covered in an attempt to make blanket of toilet paper
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
Sorry about the whole your mom seeing my face up your ass situation
she basically told me that her vine videos last longer that I do
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
As we were walking to her place she stole a pizza from the delivery guy's car and when we got home she grabbed a slice, two beers, removed her pants, and said "call of duty?" im going to marry her
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
There was puke outside of my classroom and lecture was half empty. Damn thirsty thursday is intense
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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