i just ordered a pitcher of margaritas for me and a friend but she called and canceled. oh well, looks like im getting trashed alone.
the waiter who hardly speaks english told me "i go get your medicine now"
this medicine is soooo good.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
He was in Alberta for less than a week and is already banned from 6 bars. I fear for his general well-being over there.
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
We crashed a rave, threw glitter all over Gay Dan and the bartender, broke a chandelier and called ourselves the Kings of Neon.
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Is it too soon for me to wonder what sex with him would be like?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
Randomize