his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
hey i know this is weird but does alcohol affect pregnancy tests?
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
We've been friends for six months, when do my benefits kick in?
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
he bought me ice cream then took me home and fucked the shit outta me. you can't write this kinda romance.
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
I’m mid 4sum and you’re sending me photos of your cat. We had very different evenings.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
