What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
Halloween: the only night of the year wheee the more high I get, the more it compliments my makeup and outfit.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
So... Sex in my rain boots last night. Trashy or a great show of character?
If it was with a guy, trashy. Sex with a girl is never trashy.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
